Survey Says… Patty Pack Rat

It’s official.

I took a five question on-line survey and in a cyber nano-flash, was informed that I’m a saver, -- a “Patty Pack Rat”!  This wasn’t exactly news (just ask my husband or children) and not to sound defensive, but, most creatives are.

This multiple choice assessment hit just a few of my buttons -- the clothes dryer, my garage, my pantry, grocery shopping, and the inside of my car.  After taking countless standardized tests and magazine quizzes over the years I can usually spot the pattern, and answer accordingly to achieve the desired profile – but, this time I played along. Really.

Question number 1… “When your dryer buzzes, you:

-- Leave clothes piled on the bed so long you use the guest bedroom as a wardrobe… (Isn’t that what that room is for?)

-- Take clothes out immediately, fold or hang them and put them away.”  (Ha-ha. That’s why wrinkle release cycles were invented.)

.           -- Toss clothes on the bed in the guest room while you do other chores but make sure to sort and put away the same day.  

      --Are immune to the sound and may not remember you started a load until days later.”     

            What sound?  Are they kidding?  Who’s at home to hear it?  Which begs the question, if the dryer buzzes and no one hears it, is the laundry ever really done?

Number 2… “Your garage is…

--The July centerfold of Spotless Garage Monthly.

--A catchall for everything.

            --Very neat and organized, save for a small junk corner.

-- A dark mysterious area…” 

OK, the garage holds stuff that the husband uses. He organizes along the perimeter, ladders, lawnmower, snow blower… things like that and uses a corner for the leftovers of our nineteen-year renovation project that is our house.  So, that one shouldn’t even count toward my score!

Number 3 …“Your pantry is:

--An organized commissary stocked with family favorites.”  

Right! I’m the one running through the supermarket between the hours of four and six pm planning dinner as I toss stuff in the cart.

 --“A stockpile of partially consumed boxes of cereal and stale crackers.”  Hmmmmmmm. Well…

-- “Kept full at all times, with each item placed in see-through Tupperware, dated and labeled.”  

My name’s not Martha! That would so stress me out. And, just think, those boxes in the way-back are quickly approaching vintage collectible. I recently found a bottle of Karo syrup, circa 1980-something. The label was so quaint! E-bay anyone?

Number 4… “When grocery shopping you:

--Go right after work when you’re starving so you’ll be sure not to dawdle or buy junk food.

-- Grab corn dogs, chips and sodas down at the Gulp-n-Go.

-- Diligently compile a list all week long then leave it stuck on the refrigerator when you go to the store.

-- Make a list and sort through your coupons ahead of time, then, head out.”

I tried making a list once in 1997. Besides, if I had time to make a list, I’d only lose it anyway. And, as for those so-called coupons in the coupon drawer… Most of them expired three years ago. Note to self: (that I’m sure to lose) dump the drawer… And, see above, I’ve really already answered this!

Number 5… “The inside of your car is:

--So dirty you can jot directions in the dust on the dashboard.  

--Spotless on the inside but not so much on the outside.

--So full of trash you’ve had to put in roach motels.  

--So clean the manufacturer tries to buy it back from you for their museum.”

 Uh, when we moved the snow blower last month boxes that were balanced on top are now in my car. Has anyone heard the extended forecast? Is spring near or was last week's 70 degree day a figment of my imagination.

After answering honestly (really!), my personality summary appeared and illustrated me as “Talented and artistic.” Yes, I’ve been drawing, writing and making messes since birth. It went on to say that I have the “Hey, I can use that someday gene”. I wonder if that’s been mapped on my genome?  Perhaps it’s adjacent to my brown eye gene or maybe it’s a slightly altered state of the left-handed gene.

I’ll admit it.  It’s the DNA I received directly from my father, who received his from my Grandmother etc, etc, etc. I come from a long line of “someday” savers.  My father was handy in crafting organizers out of baby food jars to sort his screws and other assorted hardware thingies. I now buy those simplifying accessories at any number of large chain stores and never put them to use. And, Grandmom, let’s just say that most everything had a second or third life in her hands.

“You can’t help seeing future possibilities for all the items your keeping”…

Again, true, I’m an innovator. I swear that I’m going to use all those jars, pudding cups and tiny containers to hold paint, or something, someday.

“…and you plan to use them all—someday!  See?

“Set aside a weekend and plan to get organized soon!”

LOL.  If it could be done that quickly, don’t you think I would have done it already?  Besides, I may be close to needing an intervention to achieve that goal, but spring cleaning reminders are just around the corner. Maybe I’ll find time to do it then. Until then, I know what’s in my piles, so don’t anyone dare touch them.  I might need that stuff someday.

Carol A. Sabik-Jaffe lives, writes, and really does occasionally try to organize her life near Philadelphia, PA.